


suddenly i see you

by MaiaSpeedster



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29101206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaiaSpeedster/pseuds/MaiaSpeedster
Summary: After Rose dies, Julie moves away with her family without telling anybody what happened. One day, she bumps into her ex-boyfriend, Luke.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Kudos: 81





	suddenly i see you

**Author's Note:**

> this work was inspired by "durante una mirada" by la oreja de van gogh.

Julie was walking down the street, thinking about the thousand stuff she had to do that day, when she saw him.

She didn’t like to admit it, but she almost didn’t recognize him. He seemed so different to the Luke she had known. And not because he had changed physically, but because there was something distinct about the way he moved, as if every step he took pained him. His eyes didn’t leave the ground either.

If someone had asked Julie to describe him in that moment, she would have said that he looked miserable. She couldn’t help but to think that she was the cause of it, that she had left him like that by leaving so suddenly.

She discarded the thought quickly. Two years had passed. A lot of things she had no idea about could be the source of his change of attitude.

He must have noticed her coming towards him because his gaze left the ground and landed on her, his beautiful –and sad– eyes hypnotizing her.

She couldn’t help but to remember the events that led her to this moment. How her mother had died unexpectedly, shattering her world in a million pieces; how she had decided, along with her father, that moving to New York was what they needed to have a little peace and pretend that everything was fine; how they too had decided not to tell anybody, so that no one could worry about them and remind them of what they had lost.

If only their plan had succeeded.

Losing her had felt as if the ground she was standing on had collapsed all of a sudden, making her fall into a bottomless pit through which, to this day, she continued to fall.

At the beginning, she thought that it would come a day when she would be okay. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Everything that brought her happiness was gone. Her mother, Luke, music. And even though she knew that she had pushed the last two away herself, she couldn’t help but to yearn them. She needed them like she needed the air to breathe.

Except that she didn’t want to breathe. She didn’t want to feel joy, or passion, or any positive feeling since her mother had died. It just wasn’t in her.

She had sat on the piano many times, wishing for that connection that she used to have with the music, unsuccessfully. She didn’t feel capable of playing piano without her mother by her side.

Luke opened his mouth only to close it again. Julie expected him to rock back on his heels, as he did every time he was nervous, but he didn’t.

Julie didn’t know what to say, what to do. How did you talk to the person you loved the most in the world whom you left without explanation?

You didn’t talk to them, plain and simple.

She was thinking if it was impolite to keep walking or not when Luke, without saying a word or looking at her again, resumed his stroll.

She froze for a second before following his example.

She had seen Luke. Luke. The person she avoided thinking about, because she knew that if she allowed herself to miss him even a little bit she would burst into tears, and she hadn’t cried since her mother had died.

Julie felt her eyes flood with the tears threatening to come out. She wondered if Luke was going through something similar or if their encounter had no impact on him.

She almost turned around to figure it out. Almost.

_Be strong, Julie_ , she thought.

Her mind focused again on the things she had to do, making her tears go away.

* * *

Luke was late to class.

Today was one of those days when he woke up unmotivated and all his problems seemed to gain weight, making them hard to carry.

One would think that after two years he would be used to it, but no.

Every time he woke up okay and thought that he had finally gotten over the Julie thing, reality smacked him in the face and reminded him that he wasn’t actually better, and that for every step forward he took, he would also take many steps back before he could be completely well.

Sometimes he thought that the pain was never going to go away.

He tried not to think about it too much.

His sight was focused on the ground, as it used to be ever since Julie had left, and for a second, only for a split second, he wished he had his earphones on and could lose himself in the music.

He hadn’t been able to listen to or play music for two years. Whenever he tried to play something on his guitar –even just a chord– his mind paralyzed and he felt so much panic that he dropped the guitar as if it were a burning flame.

He felt that Julie was missing; his partner, his love, his music.

He knew he had to let her go, that remembering her only made him miserable and that if he could only forget her he could play guitar again and dedicate himself to do what he truly loved. But just thinking about it made him feel sick.

He looked up when he noticed someone walking towards him, not wanting to crash into them. He stood still, not believing what he was seeing.

She was just as beautiful as she was before –if not even more–, with her chocolate-colored eyes and her princess-like curls. But her eyes…

It was as if she had died inside, as if her body were devoid of both soul and heart. The spark and joy that he so related to her was missing.

Her dead expression became one of surprise for a second, being quickly replaced by a scared one. It looked like she had seen a ghost.

_Which_ , Luke thought, _might be true._

Just like he never imagined he would see her here, in New York of all places, he was 100% sure that she wasn’t expecting to see him either.

He was also sure that his expression denoted panic too.

Julie was here, in front of him. It was as if all of his dreams had come true. Except, not really. His dreams consisted of a world where she had never left, where they were still a couple and the band was successful.

This situation couldn’t look less like it.

Luke opened his mouth and closed it immediately, indecisive. What could he say to her? That he had missed her? That even though it had been two years since her departure he still loved her? Right, as if she were going to tell him something similar.

Besides, there was something about her gaze that stopped him. Fear had given way to agony, and Luke realized that she probably didn’t even want to talk to him. That they had only crossed paths by chance and that, if it had been for her, they would never have seen each other again.

After all, she had left for a reason. Even if Luke didn’t know it.

Luke then made a decision that he hoped he would not regret. He straightened his back, put his hands in his pants’ pockets, and kept walking.

And even though a part of him wanted to turn around and look at her one last time, he knew that the right thing to do was to look forward and let her go once and for all.

He wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks and picked up his pace.

* * *

The next day, Julie woke up with the need to cry her heart out.

Seeing Luke had shaken her to the core, and she hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind. She was wondering how he was. If his apparent distress was an everyday thing, or if something in particular had happened before they met.

She had a lot of questions that would never receive an answer. Because she would never see him again.

Thinking that made her feel as if someone had reached into her chest and squeezed her heart harshly. Tears threatened to come out, and she did everything she could to stop them.

There were more important things to cry about.

After she changed into her jeans and t-shirt and tied her hair into a ponytail, she walked to her favorite coffee shop. Coffee was one of the things she couldn’t live without and one of the gifts she still allowed herself.

She stood in line, her gaze instantly drawn towards the menu posters hanging behind the counter. She loved to see the different beverages the shop served, even though she always ordered the same coffee. It soothed her mind and gave her something to think about while she waited.

The line advanced and Julie took a few steps distractedly, not wanting to look away from the posters –she hadn’t finished reading them–, when she tripped over her own feet and almost fell on top of the person before her.

By instinct, she held onto the guy’s arms to avoid falling completely. “I’m so sorry,” she said, letting go of him to take a step back and look at his face. “Are you okay?”

The guy turned around and Luke’s sad eyes connected with hers for the second time in two years.

* * *

Luke hadn’t slept all night. Images of Julie kept circling his mind, making it impossible to sleep.

So when his alarm sounded in the morning, he realized that, in order to survive that day’s class, he needed coffee.

He entered the first coffee shop he saw and went to stand in line, not expecting at all what was to come.

“Julie,” Luke said as soon as he turned around, dropping the wallet in his hand in surprise.

_Ah,_ he thought, _people aren’t wrong when they say that life is a box full of surprises._

And what a surprise it was. Luke had never imagined he would see Julie again in the first place, and even less that he would see her two days in a row. It had to be a sign from the universe, right?

Julie had paralyzed in surprise as well, and her mouth had slightly opened. She closed it quickly. “Luke.”

Luke didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know whether to turn around and pretend that he hadn’t seen her –like he had done the day before–, or try to start a conversation.

He was saved from deciding when he saw the woman behind Julie glare at him. The line had advanced and he hadn't noticed. It was his turn to order.

After picking up his wallet, he ordered his black coffee, and, once it was delivered to him, he headed for the door with every intention of running away and forgetting about all of this.

But… seeing Julie again really seemed like a sign from the universe, and he was almost sure that if he left the coffee shop without talking to her he was bound to bump into her somewhere else.

So he decided to wait for her to finish ordering.

* * *

_Is this really happening?_

That was the only thought running through Julie’s mind while she ordered her cappuccino.

She couldn’t believe it. It was so crazy. What were the chances that they would meet each other again today? One in a million? One in ten million? It seemed impossible.

But it wasn’t, and she checked it again when, coffee in hand, went straight for the door and saw Luke waiting for her.

She remembered the last time she had seen him before her mother died and had to make an effort not to crush the polystyrene cup.

“Julie,” Luke said, walking towards her. He seemed calm at first glance, but Julie had known him since they were children and could see through his facade. Or at least, she used to be able to. The Luke in front of her was different to the one she had known her whole life, it was difficult to know precisely what he was feeling. “Would you take a walk with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said without thinking. She looked at her watch. It was still early for her class to start, so she had time.

A part of her mind told her that she would have said yes even if she risked missing that class. She shushed it.

Luke opened the door for Julie and, once they were outside, the ambience between them turned awkward.

“Come,” Luke said, starting to walk to the right.

Julie followed him. “Where are we going?”

Luke turned to look at her, and his eyes softened. “To the park that’s two blocks away.”

Julie was left speechless. She knew exactly what Luke was doing, and she appreciated it.

Nature always brought some kind of peace to Julie. Breathing fresh air and feeling surrounded by living things made her feel good, as if there weren’t a problem in the world.

She hadn’t been to a park since her mother died, because there was a problem in the world and she couldn’t ignore it. It hurt too much.

When they arrived, they sat in a white wooden bench. Julie took a sip of her coffee, waiting for Luke to start talking.

“How are you?”

Such a good question. How was she?

“Fine,” she lied. It was easier than telling the truth. “What about you?”

“Fine,” he said, drinking all his coffee in big gulps to fill the silence.

For some inexplicable reason she had the impression that he was lying too.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to say.” He got up. “I shouldn’t have brought you here-“

Julie grabbed his arm, almost throwing her coffee to the ground. “No, it’s okay. I want to be here.” It was true. Seeing Luke after years was a miracle she wasn’t going to waste.

He sat again, looking straight ahead with a lost expression. Julie decided to take the reins of the conversation.

“I didn’t know you were in New York.”

“I just moved here due to college.”

_How odd_ , Julie thought. Luke’s dream had always been to study music in the University of Southern California. He wouldn’t have gone to any other –unless the USC had gone bankrupt, of course.

She remembered when going to the USC with Luke, Alex and Reggie to study music was her dream too. She wondered if at least Alex and Reggie were studying there.

“What happened with the USC?” She asked without thinking. She regretted it instantly; she didn’t know if it was a sensible topic for him.

Luke threw her a look of pure resignation and said, “The best lawyer program is here.”

Julie almost dropped her coffee again. Luke, being a lawyer? It was so unthinkable that it was hard for her to believe it.

She inspected his face in case he was kidding, but there was no trace of amusement in his expression. On the contrary, he looked glum.

People who studied what they loved didn’t talk like this. Julie knew it more than anyone. After all, she wasn’t studying what she was passionate about, and every time her aunt asked her how college was going, instead of feeling excitement about her aced tests, the only thing she felt was relief that she didn’t have to study anymore for a few days.

She knew that her other alternative was to study music, but she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t ready, and she didn’t think she would ever be.

“What about you?” Luke asked. “Are you studying music?”

_If only_ , Julie thought.

“No,” she answered. “I’m studying to be an English teacher.”

* * *

Luke had to make an enormous effort to close his mouth, which had open in surprise.

Julie was studying something that wasn’t related to music at all? Impossible.

He would have never imagined it. It was just something absurd, nonsensical.

Julie lived for music. It was her passion since she was a child, and he knew that she had always dreamt about making a career out of it.

So, what had happened to make her take such a different course?

“W-what made you want to be a teacher?” He asked, needing to know the answer.

She shrugged. “You know I always liked to read.” _Yeah, but not as much as singing._ “It was the only path I could follow.”

Luke found that hard to believe. Julie was really talented. She sang, played and wrote like the gods. Any college would accept her without hesitation and yet… Julie had decided to study another thing.

Something was wrong here.

(The same thing could be said about him, but they weren’t talking about him now.)

Had something happened to her in these two years? Something that had changed her life enough to make her give up her dreams and settle with something that would get her a job but not happiness?

Luke wished with all his might that it weren’t true. Because if it was then they both had been through something similar.

And Luke wouldn’t wish even his worst enemy to feel the pain he felt every day.

Julie looked at her watch and drank the rest of her coffee in a sip. “I have to go. It’s getting late for my class.”

“Wait,” Luke said, holding her arm before she could even get up. “Before you go, can I ask you something?”

Julie looked him in the eyes and Luke could have sworn that her gaze faded for a second, as if she had remembered something bad, before she said, “Yeah, sure.”

This was the moment then. He would finally know the answer to the question that kept him awake at night and haunted him every day.

“First of all, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. You don’t owe me anything,” he said softly. Then, he took a deep breath, getting emotionally ready to hear any answer she could give him. “Why did you leave?”

Not even a million years could have prepared him to hear what Julie said.

Her eyes filled with tears. “My mom died.”

Luke was ready to hear anything, _anything_ , but that.

He thought about all the times he had thought he had been the reason Julie had left. That he had done something bad or that he wasn’t good enough and she had finally realized it and ran away.

He had been so selfish, thinking that he was the cause of this; that everything spun around him.

He remembered the way Rose treated him, as if he were her son too. How she made sure he was alright, that he was happy, that he had eaten and slept well. How every time he fought with his parents, she let him stay in her house all the time he wanted and never complained. How she always took the time to listen to him and to encourage him to follow his dreams even when his own parents didn’t.

His eyes filled with tears as well. “Rose is dead?”

Julie nodded, her tears falling non-stop now.

He felt his own tears escape his eyes and wiped them away quickly. It didn’t feel right to cry about Rose in front of Julie. She was already dealing with her pain; she didn’t need to deal with his too. “I’m so sorry.”

Julie took his hand in hers, startling him. Luke looked at her, surprised. He had longed for her touch for so long that this moment almost seemed unreal, as if it were a figment of his imagination. She smiled at him sadly, and Luke understood that she was trying to comfort him.

“I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

“There’s no comfort for me.”

She said it so serenely, as if it were a fact that she had already accepted and made her peace with, just like him. His heart broke for her as he remembered all the times he had thought that Julie was the person who understood him the best in the world. Oh, how he wished she couldn’t understand him in this.

“Jules,” he said. “Can I hug you?”

She nodded, and Luke took her in his arms.

* * *

She wasn’t going to lie, sharing her pain with someone who also loved her mom had relieved her of the heaviness she felt in her soul. It had been so long since the last time she had allowed herself to think about her and cry that she had forgotten how good it felt.

She had forgotten how Luke’s hugs felt as well. He had such a sincere way of hugging that you couldn't do anything other than hug him back with all your strength. She had forgotten how good they made her feel.

That was new. Feeling good. But she liked it.

And the way he had called her _Jules_ so softly… No one had called her that since her mother had died.

Julie felt a piece of her soul come back to her when she heard it.

As she breathed in his familiar scent, an immense sense of belonging overwhelmed her. For the first time in years, she didn’t feel lost. She felt as if she had arrived home after a long and tiring trip.

After a minute, they took their arms off one another. Julie wiped her tears with her hand and looked at her watch, suddenly remembering that she had a class to go to.

Panic alarms started blaring inside her head.

“I’m so sorry, but I have to go,” she said, throwing in the garbage can both her and Luke’s cups and picking up her backpack. “I’m late to class.”

Luke got up too. “Yeah, me too.”

Julie smiled at him and took his hand once more, in awe of being able to do it after years thinking that she would never do it again. Luke smiled too, and Julie could have sworn that, in that moment, there was nothing but the two of them, caught in the other's gaze. Just like the old times.

Which gave her the confidence enough to say, “See you tomorrow at the same hour?”

Luke’s eyes shone as brightly as they used to do two years ago. “Yeah, sure.”

* * *

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

“Jules, are you ready?” Luke asked, peeking into her dressing room.

“Yeah, just wait a second,” Julie answered, touching her hair to make sure it was fine. She looked at her reflection in the mirror one more time before turning around and smiling at her boyfriend/bandmate. “Now I’m ready.”

Luke came up to her and placed his hands on her hips to draw her against him. “You’re as beautiful as always.”

“You don’t look so bad.”

“Pff,” he snorted. “I look totally ravishing.”

Julie cackled. She cupped his cheeks and pecked him on the lips. “You always look ravishing.”

“I know.” He intertwined their fingers. “Let’s go.”

"Let’s go."

Reggie and Alex were waiting for them in the hallway, and, together, they headed to the stage.

Five years had passed since the day she had literally crashed into Luke in the coffee shop, and ever since then they had met every single day.

They reconnected. Julie talked about her mother a little bit more and Luke told her the reason he had decided to become a lawyer. It broke Julie’s heart to listen how badly her departure had damaged him, and, even though Luke told her it wasn’t her fault, she reproached herself for being so selfish.

Together, they found the strength they needed to cope with their losses and become the people they were meant to be.

Having one another gave them the strength they needed to _heal_.

Julie had been very surprised to learn that Luke had not only abandoned the music, but had also left Alex and Reggie behind. So, once they felt well enough, they went to L.A. to visit them and try to fix their friendship. They felt lucky that Reggie and Alex, instead of shutting the door on their faces like many other people would have done, had understood their reasons and welcomed them with their arms wide open.

In time, they both started to listen to music again. At first, it was something they had to do together, but as the days went by, they gained the security to listen to it each on their own. They started singing and writing again too, so they made the decision to start the band again. It brought them more happiness than they could have ever imagined after all they had been through.

So here they were now, about to start their second tour.

They went on stage, the audience exploding in cheers as each settled down next to their instrument.

Julie smiled at Luke as he played the first chords of the song they had written relating their encounter in the street.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it <3


End file.
